Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
