Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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