omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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