i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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