Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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