My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
