this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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