do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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