He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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