There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
