oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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