so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
