im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's shark week go big or go home
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
