Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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