there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
