mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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