I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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