I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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