Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
