First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This house was built for laser tag.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When are your genitals available?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
