We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
