OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize