pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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