Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize