at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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