I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
