Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
