New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...