How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.