just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
