I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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