i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
