she told me i tasted like america
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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