all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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