Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
