I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
