Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
