I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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