Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
