So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
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Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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