so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
