Cold hands, warm shart.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
