our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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