Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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