The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
