community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
