so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she peed on how many people?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
