Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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