my shit smells like andre
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
