If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
