God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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