i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
