Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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