I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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