I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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