Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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