I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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