ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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