i think my tv is drunk
its not stalking. its research.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
