"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
