I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
