I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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