Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
