I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
