A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
