If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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