my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
