So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
