ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
