Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
