his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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