I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
