look no pants
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
